


1 am

by cblacksmith



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: But He Gets Better, Caleb dies, M/M, Pining, fan-art inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-14 17:51:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18952999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cblacksmith/pseuds/cblacksmith
Summary: @fragariavulpes on Twitter made some amazing art and talked about someone writing a piece about it, and I said pls don't tempt me and they replied with the eyes emoji so here we are.-Caduceus is confused and in denial and it takes seeing his love blow up for him to finally accept it.





	1 am

**Author's Note:**

> https://twitter.com/fragariavulpes/status/1131654114960695296
> 
> link to the art!

Caduceus wasn’t the type of person to rest his back against a wall of denial. No matter how rough things had been, he had always faced them head on and with acceptance.

That was why his situation with Caleb Widogast baffled him so much. Since he first met the wizard, he knew he was charismatic, sometimes a little bit intimidating, and very powerful, but he slowly learnt other things too. Caleb was a very anxious human and needed to be reassured or left alone with Frumpkin sometimes to calm that anxiousness. He could be a goofball on the rare occasions that he let his past-(the not consumed by guilt and torture)-self shine through the cracks. No matter how many times he repeated that he was just using the rest of the party, Caduceus could see the genuine care and worry very clear in his eyes when he looked at their newfound family. 

It was Yasha who pointed out Caduceus’ feelings for Caleb to him. 

It had become part of Caduceus’ routine to prepare a mug of tea very late in the night and take it to Caleb’s studio, chat with him about his research, and then coax him to bed. At first, Caduceus did it because he worried about the leader of the party getting sick or weak for lack of sleep, but as time went by and they settled more and more in their lives at Xhorhas, Caduceus found that in the back of his mind there was a clock ticking, waiting to chime at one in the morning.

“Since when have you liked him?” Yasha asked him one night after he walked out of Caleb’s studio. There were nights where the sight of the flower field on her wall became painful and she had to curl up on one of the couches on the ground floor.

“Hum?”

“Caleb. Since when you have been in love with him?” 

Caduceus stood frozen at the door, his hand still on the knob. Yasha could almost hear some mechanism breaking inside his brain.

A fly tried to rest on his ear and it flicked quickly, bringing him back to life.

“Oh, I’m not in love with mister Caleb. He is just a great conversationalist,” he explained with his usual calm and deep voice.

Yasha frowned. “Jester’s a great conversationalist, and I don’t see you running off to make her tea at one in the morning,” she said, a small smile creeping up on her face as she looked through one of the windows. “You were smiling and humming a song when you went in.”  
“Oh, that’s because I’m in a good mood.”

“I used to do the same when I met with Zuella.”

That was the last word spoken about the subject with anyone, and it both helped and didn’t help Caduceus.

It helped him because it had been very awkward, and the questions had made him confused. He was used to being confused about many things, but feelings certainly weren’t part of that. His mother had always said that he was the most sensitive one of his siblings, always being able to see the bottom of the well, no matter how murky the water was. He could see other people’s feelings as clearly as they felt them. So, couldn’t he decipher his feelings for Caleb?

It didn’t help him because Caduceus had never been in love with anyone, nor read romance books like Jester. The only example of romance was his parents, and his relationship with Caleb was very different from theirs. Deep down, he knew that if he just talked about it with someone, it would help him calm his mind and maybe find an answer, but for some reason he felt secretive about the whole subject.

If he was trying to hide it, though, he wasn’t doing a great job of it, because after a while the whole party had noticed the confused but endearing looks Caduceus gave Caleb when he wasn’t looking, the way he would fuss over him after battles, and how he would just sit down and listen to him talk about overly complicated things when he was far from smart enough to comprehend them.

“Oh…, my…, god. What will it take for them to just fucking kiss already?” Beau asked with her typical exasperation when Caleb showed Caduceus a cool flower he found in a shop and Caduceus face went the color of his hair.

What it took was Caleb dying.

Much like Caduceus could read feelings, he could read intentions

It was a gnarly battle, not because their enemies where very powerful, but because they were overwhelmingly outnumbered. Each one of them was fighting against like five of these weak undead, and they were already pretty beaten up from a previous fight against a band of bandit Bugbears. 

Caduceus was almost completely out of spells, excepting for the few that he always saved for ugly situations, and judging by the panicked look in Caleb’s face, he was too.

Caleb wasn’t that far from Caduceus, no more than thirty feet separating them, but those thirty feet where covered with undead that would grab and tear with determination if prey got close to them. The whole party had scattered when they noticed that the sea of bones they were stepping through started stirring out of nowhere, their urge of escaping overcoming their rational thoughts of staying together because they were stronger that way. They were almost out of it completely when they turned to see Caleb, still standing where he had been before, trying to rip his legs away from the skeletal hands holding him right in the middle of the pile of bones.

Caduceus saw how Caleb tried to battle a few skeletons with a dagger on one hand and clutching an open wound with the other. He saw his blue eyes drift from teammate to teammate and the space between them, his lips moving as he muttered to himself.

Caleb’s eyes finally landed on Caduceus’, a smile growing when he caught his gaze. He muttered something that Caduceus understood, then something he didn’t, and arcane energy started glowing yellow in his eyes.

/You’ve got me./

Caduceus felt his heart stop beating for a few seconds and the word “No” got caught up in his throat as he realized what the wizard intended to do.

A massive ball of fire grew in the middle of the sky and fell directly on top of Caleb, the explosion leaving everyone blind and deaf for a few seconds. 

The first thing he heard were charred skeletons falling to the ground and Nott’s blood curling scream of Caleb’s name. In the middle of the piles of ashes, Caleb lied bruised, bloodied and not moving…, not even to breathe.

Without thinking Caduceus started running, taking a few gashes from the undead that still stood and his clothes getting even more torn, but he couldn’t care less. His heart was beating like crazy, and he couldn’t help thinking about how Caleb’s wasn’t beating at all.

/No, no, no, no, no. He can’t go./

Most of the enemies had been wiped out, but not a single spark had singed the rest of the team’s skin. Caduceus could see most of them on his peripheral, finishing the few undead that were left while making their way to Caleb. He was fumbling with his pockets as he ran, searching for that one diamond Jester and he had bought all that time ago.

/You can’t let him die before I tell him/ Caduceus thought as a desperate prayer. He had never spoken to the Wildmother like that before, but he also had never known such desperation.

Caduceus almost dropped the diamond as he skidded through ash and soot, falling on his knees next to Caleb to check for his heartbeat, breathing, anything that let him know that he was still alive, but he didn’t find it.

He stuttered his way through the spell as he presented the diamond to the Wildmother and placed it on Caleb’s charred chest, not aware of how hot he was and how his own tears fell on him to be evaporated. He needed to be calm to cast a spell this important, but he felt as if he was falling down a cliff, desperately trying to claw at the rock wall to stop.

He had finished the incantation already, but he added a new part, which was just repeating Please, please, please in Giant as he rocked slightly on his knees.¿, as if he were just a child again.

A warm hand touched his chin and he looked up to the Wildmother, her shape blurred by his tears, but he could tell she was smiling.

“Why do you want him back?” 

He didn’t answer because his voice was caught in his throat, but he knew she could see into him. See his memories of all their late-night conversations, all the small touches and looks he had stolen, and even his dreams of soft kisses and embraces that had never happened but he wished with all his might could still be.

A warm golden light illuminated Melora’s factions, and Caduceus looked down at the diamond that was slowly melting into energy that healed over Caleb’s body, turning the charred skin pink again and finally seeping into his chest.

One second went by. Then two.

Three.

Caleb opened his eyes with a wheezing breath, arms flying up to clutch something, and his hand found Caduceus’, who scrambled to incorporate the man against his body. The wizard looked around, a little disoriented at first, but when he saw Caduceus’ smile and the tear tracks, he smiled. 

“I knew you’d bring me back,” he murmured with a raspy voice, and Caduceus let out a shaking breath as he leant down and placed a soft kiss on Caleb’s forehead without thinking about it twice.

“Don’t ever do that to me again.”

Caleb’s response was weakly grabbing the hand with which Caduceus was cupping his cheek so that he could bring it to his lips and kiss his palm. 

“I’ll try no to.”


End file.
